


Home

by chenziee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bittersweet, M/M, Manga Spoilers, only took me four days, shoot me please, that's the word i was looking for, what do I even tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 12:37:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13235895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: Eren used to have a home. Back down south. That home is no more but maybe "home" doesn't have to mean just buildings and childhood memories.





	Home

Eren used to have a home before. Years ago, when everything was simple, when he still didn’t know what he was saying when he spoke about joining the Survey Corps. He used to have a reasonably comfortable bed, three full sized meals a day, and not single worry in his life beyond how pissed off all the people talking shit about him or Armin made him.

He used to have a place where his mother waited for him with an angry frown or a happy smile depending on whether he came in with a fresh bruise or a flower to gift her with.

He used to have a place where his father listened to him rant about how stupid all the kids in the neighborhood were and then told him that maybe he could try being more friendly, or he’ll never make another friend except Armin.

He used to have a place where he fought with Mikasa over who would wash the dishes that day. (Granted, it was more Mikasa quietly reminding him it was his turn and him trying to wiggle his way out of it. Usually unsuccessfully, although Mikasa took pity on him and ended up helping him more often than not.)

He used to, but that place was no more. It got destroyed right along with the rest of Shiganshina and most of the interior of Wall Maria.

Eren never really admitted to it, but he longed for his home. He missed the warmth, the love, hell, he even missed the scoldings. During the day, he was always too busy to even think about it as a refugee, and even less as a trainee soldier. But during the night, when all activity ceased and he was expected to go to sleep, sometimes, he’d lose himself in memories instead.

At times like that, he’d learned to sneak out and go for a walk. And inevitably, he’d always end up somewhere high – a hill, a treetop, a lookout post – gazing south into the darkness, towards his home.

It didn’t take Mikasa and Armin long to figure it out. They never said anything about it; instead, they would just occasionally join him. One of them, or both of them, there would be no words spoken, just a head on a shoulder, maybe an arm around a waist.

After joining the Survey Corps, Eren became so busy and tired, he‘d just fall asleep without any trouble when he retired for the night. Somehow, he was grateful for it. He didn’t like the lonely, melancholy feelings that drew him upwards. Neither would Levi’s squad appreciate it if they went to check up on him in the basement and he wasn’t there. It took three months, three awful, stressful, sad, crazy months he wanted to just forget before he found himself staring south again.

He sat atop Wall Rose in Trost the night before they were set to leave for Wall Maria. For Shiganshina. His home. It was ironic. For all the years he wished he could go back, now that he knew he would be seeing it tomorrow, he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. It was completely destroyed, after all, that fact didn’t change. He probably wouldn’t even be able to recognize the streets he spent his childhood running through. Eren chuckled humorlessly, the sound appearing louder than it really was in the silence surrounding him. He didn’t want to see it.

Eren wasn’t surprised to hear the nearing footsteps. Judging by the movement of the moon, he had been sitting there a while so it was just a matter of time before either Armin or Mikasa noticed  he was gone from his bed.

“What are you doing here?”

The shifter jumped; that was not Armin and definitely not Mikasa. Before he could try and scramble to his feet or at least turn around, Captain Levi sat down next to him, giving him a quizzical look. “Calm down, you look like you’re about to shit your pants.”

“You scared me,” Eren muttered, pressing a hand to his still wildly racing heart.

Levi shook his head, before turning to gaze out into the distance just as Eren was doing before apparently getting scared half to death. “So what are you doing here?” he asked again after a while.

Eren took a deep breath and out of the corner of his eye, Levi could see him throw his head back to stare at the sky. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi shot a glance at the boy. “So you came all the way out here to sit on this cold-ass wall and almost fall to your death after getting the shit scared out of you?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Eren said, a small smile appearing on his face.

The captain hummed, accepting Eren didn’t want to talk about it. It was obvious what was on his mind anyway. The two fell into comfortable silence for a while, each trapped in their own minds, until Levi spoke up again.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

Eren frowned, his head snapping to look at his superior. “What do you mean?” he asked, voice full of confusion.

“For kicking you,” Levi elaborated, gesturing vaguely towards Eren who still looked like he didn’t know what the other was going on about. “After dinner, during your fight with Jean.”

Understanding lit in Eren’s eyes and he shook his head immediately. “No, I should be thanking you for that,” he muttered, looking away. “I was kind of counting on someone stopping us but nobody bothered.” There seemed to be a slight pout in his voice even as he gave a little embarrassed laugh.

“I noticed,” Levi said, with a barely noticeable smile of his own.

There was silence for a moment, before Eren asked quietly, “So what are _you_ doing here?”

Levi just shrugged. “Same as you, I suppose.”

As they studied each other, trying to find answers to all their unasked questions in each other’s eyes, something snapped between them; a tension that has been building over the past weeks – over shared tea, over time spent talking nonsense instead of strategy, over Eren falling asleep in the tiny kitchen of their cabin waiting for the captain to return from wherever Hanji called him, over Levi throwing his cloak over the brunet’s sleeping form and carrying him to bed, over the meaningful look Mikasa gave him when he tucked him in, never taking his cloak back, over him returning to the kitchen to eat the by then cold dinner, over Eren getting kidnapped and then rescued, over exchanged smiles and glances when nobody was looking – reaching a boiling point. One minute they were a foot apart just staring at each other, and the next they were kissing clumsily, desperately, full of inexperience and emotion.

When they separated a moment later, both gasping for breath as neither knew exactly how they were supposed to breathe, they looked each other in the eyes, both looking for assurance that _this was okay_.

It really wasn’t. They were a captain and his charge, the shifter and the one who was to kill him. They were Humanity’s Strongest and Humanity’s Hope. They were leaving for their worst battle yet in less than 24 hours and they could both be dead by morning the day after tomorrow.

Or maybe that was exactly why it _was_ okay.

“I’ll kick your ass if you die,” Levi said, voice stern despite the worry in his eyes.

Eren replied immediately with certainty. “I won’t. So don’t you dare die either.”

Levi didn’t say anything to that, only giving Eren a last firm kiss before he got up. “I’m going to sleep. You should, too, we’ll be awake the whole night tomorrow.” Ruffling the brown mop of hair, he turned away and headed back the way he came.

“Yes, sir,” Eren said quietly, watching Levi’s retreating back until he couldn’t make it out in the darkness of the night.

Then, taking a deep breath, Eren shot a final long glance towards Shiganshina.

He almost felt he’d be alright, going back there.

He used to have a home before. And maybe, just maybe, if they make it through, he might be able to build a new one.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know this has been done 60 000 times already. I'm sorry. I just hope it's not too terrible... OTL


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